I met Sandy at Albion College. It was our freshman year and we had just started school that fall. One of my classes was "Introduction to Theater Arts". It was in that class that we met. Even though we were in this class together, we didn't officially meet until one of my roommates introduced us when we were at the college restaurant. After that we started sitting together in class.
Because I was participating in a play at this time, I had to attend an Albion community play so I could write a review for a class assignment. I asked Sandy if she would like to go to the play with me. She agreed and so on November 15, 1980, we had our first date. It was the beginning of something great.
We started dating exclusively from then on. The nice thing about our early courtship was that our relationship started with friendship before it blossomed into romance. It was easy to be with one another. Our friendship grew into love and then into marriage.
After freshman year, we spent the summer apart. Sandy went home to Traverse City and I went to Grand Rapids. It was a difficult summer. We both were working to earn money for school and we didn't have much free time. I would make the 3-hour drive to Traverse City to visit every other weekend. We also would talk on the phone just about every night. We could really tell our relationship was becoming strong because even though we had only been dating for several months, we really missed each other that summer... Our love was continuing to grow.
During our sophomore year at Albion, I "pinned" Sandy. This is a fraternity custom in which I gave Sandy my Fraternity pin to wear. In some circles, this was considered pre-engagement.
At the end of our Junior year, on April 20, 1983, I proposed to Sandy. That weekend, Sandy and I were visiting her Aunt and Uncle, Kathryn and Norman , in Marshall, Michigan, (just a 15 minute drive from Albion) as we often did. Sandy was feeling under the weather that day so she was resting on the sofa in the den. (As a side note, let me explain that, even though Sandy and I had discussed marriage, she didn't feel it was appropriate to read bridal magazines. Not yet.)
That afternoon, I arrived with a wrapped package and presented her with this "get well" gift. When she opened it, she found three bridal magazines. She became uneasy and refused to look at them. I insisted and I pressed her to look at the first one.
As we paged through it, she noticed a lump in the magazine about half way through. We opened to an advertisement that showed an engagement ring in the picture. It took her a moment to notice, but taped to the page was the real diamond solitaire engagement ring. She pulled back, speechless, as I untapped the ring from the page.
I bent down to one knee and while placing the ring on Sandy's finger, I asked for her hand in marriage. With tears in here eyes she said yes! We set the date for June, 9, 1984. Sandy seemed to feel better for the rest of the day. We went around to Sandy's Aunt and Uncle and friends sharing the good news.
Through the summer between our junior and senior year, we were again separated. This time Sandy was in Colorado with her Mom. We were not able to visit except on the phone (which we did just about everyday.) It too, was a hard summer but we made it.
So, our senior year was very busy. Not only did we have a full load of classes and three campus jobs each, but we were planning a wedding. Needless to say, if we had to make a choice between studying or taking care of wedding details, the wedding came first. But we did both pass our classes and Sandy got the best grades she ever had! We graduated on May 5, 1984.
Just a few days later, on June 9, 1984, we were married.
The ceremony was held at Albion College, where we met, in the Church Chapel. We had about 150 guests to share in our joy. We had a beautiful garden reception in Marshall, MI, in Kathryn and Norman's garden.
It was a wonderful courtship. Our attraction to each other grew out of a strong friendship. Our love blossomed, and to this day, we are each other's best friends. This closeness has and will keep us together, forever.
In the 23 years that we have been married, our love and marriage has become stronger and stronger. We have both grown and changed in our relationship, but we have grown and changed together, rather than apart.
In our first decade of marriage, the biggest struggle in our life together has been the trials and pain of infertility. For 4 1/2 years, Sandy and I tried to have a biological child. We endured the emotional and psychological roller-coaster of hope with a missed period, to the devastating disappointment of a negative pregnancy test; month after month, year after year. Daily, weekly, and monthly doctor visits trying to diagnose the problems. Pills, pokes and needles trying to fix the problems. Taking Sandy's temperature every morning and having to arrange special randavouxs if I were to be out of town when it was "baby night". And in Sandy's case, 5 separate surgery procedures over a 7 year period, ending finally with a hysterectomy at age 25...and no child.
In May of 1988, the emergency hysterectomy was the final step to our attempts to have a biological child. While this was a devastating time in both of our lives, we also saw it as an answer to our prayers.
For four and one half years, we never asked God for a baby, but rather to guide us in His will. The day after surgery, while Sandy was in the hospital bed, we both agreed that this was God's way of telling us that He had other plans for us. We didn't know what His plan was, but it would be revealed to us when the time was right. Instead of blaming God for this terrible loss, and pulling away from Him, we were pulled closer together and became stronger in our faith.
In the two years after the final surgery, there had been many hard times. When the doctor told me (that night) that Sandy had had a hysterectomy, I thought at first that this would end the pain and things would get better. Well, after two years, things had gotten a bit easier. But those two years had been more difficult than the years before. From severe guilt to depression, the finality of the surgery was almost too much to bear. For Sandy, at times, hope seemed to be totally gone. While adoption was mentioned in these early months, we weren't emotionally ready to discuss this as an option. We needed the time to morn the loss we had suffered.
But even through this pain, we looked to God and to one another for strength and support (and still do). While this isn't always easy to do, this has kept our relationship strong.
Sandy, as my marriage partner, provides much strength to our relationship. Her strengths compliment my weaknesses to maintain a healthy balance. One example of this would be Sandy's inherent ability to change a house into a home. This includes things like setting up the kitchen, placing furniture in the different rooms, choosing wall paper and paint patterns and colors, and selecting artwork. She can "see", in her mind's eye, how something should look, and she can accomplish it. And while I am one who will wait on a decision to buy something or begin a project, she will press to push ahead. At first I may resist a little, but she will persist and get things done...and the house will be more of a home.
Sandy is very loving. She is always there when I need support. She keeps me laughing with her wit and charm and she is very smart in the ways of the world...If I have a problem, I get her advice on handling it, whether it is a business or personal problem. I respect her opinions and her judgment. We are each others own best friend and we are stronger when we are together than when we are apart.
Sandy is my soulmate.
